What Was and Still Is My Scariest Dream

I would like to thank Jay at This Is My Truth Now for nominating The Robin’s Nest for the Mystery Blogger Award. Jay is an avid AVID reader and gives outstanding book reviews, great details as well as their strengths and weaknesses.  If you love to read and want to know anything about most all authors/book titles, Jay is the go to guy!!  I highly suggest you check his blog out not only for his reading reviews, but also his writing skills!  He is a phenomenal person.

I’m not going to list nominees or questions for the nomination but, I do want to answer one of Jay’s questions as a post. What Was Your Scariest Dream?

I’ve had several bad dreams, you know as a child there was always the boogie monster.  As I got older dreams of gore, demons, ghosts (yes).  Then as a new expecting mother I had the worse dream of my life, so much so that it affected me to the point of really needing therapy.

My mom and dad had a house boat and they asked me to join them for a day on the lake, hesitantly I did.  Trying to enjoy a leisurely day of doing nothing but soaking in some rays.  I thought I would play around in the water on a float, not really doing anything strenuous (about 5-6 months pregnant).  My brother yells and asked if he could join me.  I ask can you swim – yep he says.  I learned very quickly he could not swim and after him taking me under for the third time, I knew both me and my baby were dead. Luckily my dad, an excellent swimmer jumped in a saved us. I could not sleep for weeks reliving that traumatic event.

Now for the dream that still haunts me to this very day……

In my dream, I’ve had my baby a daughter.  She and I driving down a semi dirt road in a burgundy four door Nissan sedan with electric windows/sunroof – everything.  I don’t know where we were going, been or lived.  On our journey we come upon a bridge.  A tall metal bridge. For the life of me I can’t remember how, but we wrecked off the side of the bridge and into the water.  The water angry, violent, full of hate was throwing the car around like it was nothing. The disturbed with my presence water was gushing in the car through the vents, sunroof other places I can’t recall with only one purpose, consume it all.  In a desperate attempt I tried opening the windows but could not – everything electric. I’m hysterical, fighting, struggling to get my seat belt off and after a few moments of shear panic do so.  I go to the back seat to get my daughter out of her car seat only I could not get it unbuckled.  Now matter how hard I fought, pushed and pulled on the release, it would not unbuckle or let go of her.  While I was fighting for her life my daughter drowned in front of me, in that damn car seat.  I woke up – drenched with sweat, panicking, hyperventilating, and paralyzed with fear.   Again, no sleep for months stricken with the horror and terror of this dream.

I’m not sure if the event involving the boating incident was an onset of that dream.  However, I had that dream not to long after it occurred.

I can tell you that I had a very healthy 6lb 1oz baby girl, Heather Nicole who is amazing and is my clone – Lord help us!  She is not afraid of the water in fact, she can swim like a fish.

I have had to venture onto the great wide open sea with Heather.  She was in the high school marching / symphonic concert band and they the band, had a scheduled band competition in the Bahamas – me being a very protective hen – still am, was not letting her go into international waters all by herself.  OH DEAR GOD!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO???  I can’t handle this!  I mustard up what little bit of stamina and strength I could and got on that ship with her.  That didn’t last long at all, popping meds like candy was barely enough to get me away from the docks without panic overload.  During an excursion, I held up the entire ship while exiting the off ramp (in the middle of the ocean) only to board a “water ferry” (in the middle of the ocean) to Coco Cay Island.  Heather was with her friends further back in the line and I could hear her screaming that’s my mom, let her go! Move! Get out of my way! Next thing I knew one of the dads swooped me up, carried me to the water ferry and reassuringly, while holding onto me tight, kept me safe.  I will admit, I was fed several alcoholic beverages that day and made it back onto the ship with no delays.  I apologized to everyone but that group of people were amazing.  They said for what?  We don’t know what you’re talking about…nothing more was said or discussed.  There were no pointing fingers or staring judging eyes.

Another fine mess Heather I got myself into.  Here we go another band competition only this time it was not on a cruise ship or on the open ocean, nope it was Myrtle Beach, SC.  Well I’m going! Protective hen-water-my daughter near the ocean-body of water….Heather and her friends were having a blast.  Loving every second of the day.  Suddenly she realized I was nowhere to be found.  She “lost” me.  I hear her yelling her famously known to all “MOOOOOOM”.  One of the parents knew where I had disappeared told her where to find me and here she comes, my protector.  I’m trying with everything in me to be strong – but it’s a fear that controls me.  She and her posse come running up to the roof where I’m sitting in a lounge chair sobbing…I told her all I could see is the ocean forming a large hand, grabbing me and dragging me down to the bottom forever.  She somehow helped me get through that moment and helped me to enjoy the rest of the trip – an amazing daughter!

Ironically we live near the lake. Occasionally on the weekends Robin likes to stop at the lake and eat lunch.  I do this and can for one reason only.  There is a busy highway above the lake and that is the area I am concentrating on the most. Robin can not swim and I refuse to take any chances of getting in or close enough to the water risking any lives.  I can swim and use to love to go the swimming pools, no longer the lake and reluctantly the ocean.

To this day, I panic, hyperventilate and completely loose all sense of feeling and awareness when driving around, on or near a bridge and water.

After writing this post (today) and scheduling the post settings – I realized my morning routine theme this week was “dreams”  – not nightmares……


16 thoughts on “What Was and Still Is My Scariest Dream

  1. Oh man. Those are some terrible dreams. I can’t swim either. I like looking at the water and I’ll even go in it as long as my feet are still touching bottom. I had a wave knock me over once and that was scary cause it pulled me in after slapping me down. We all have nightmares and thankfully they’re mostly fiction! You’re a great mom for braving these trips for your girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That is awful and I had a similar experience. I was at the pool with my cousin and we were just kids. After continuously dunking me he decided to sit on my shoulders and I was unable to push up out of the water with his wright on me. I panicked and thought that was it as well. Fighting as much as I could under water to get him to get off of me, my energy and air was quickly exhausted but luckily he did get off. I was so scared and I’m sure I cried afterwards.
    To this day there is one lake we drive around and the road is slightly higher than lake level. I’m. It sure why but I always feel eerie and have the feeling that we will drive off the edge, landing in that lake somehow and I can never justify or explain the feeling. We never came close to sliding towards it or anything, but it remains to be something that leaves me uneasy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Left out the bridge going to Louisiana. I may be 31 but will always be a mommy’s girl. Yes I was always having a blast on school trips, but rolls reversed…. I was the “daughter hen” always watching and protecting my mommy from the big bad waves. I love you so very much momma.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my gosh Robin, you brought back some memories and dreams with this one. The first one was when I was about 5 and I remember going under. We were at a popular beach on a nearby lake. My Dad dove in fully clothed! A few years after that I dreamed that I was in a car and drove off a bridge into a swirling river near my home. I still recall the feeling of going under. When I was a teenager some friends and I went swimming in a stream. My friend’s little brother who was six feet tall started to panic and took me under with him. Until I read the recount of your dream, I’d forgotten about some of my stuff. I totally get your fear, but I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to have the panic of watching your child die. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced these things. Hugs, my friend! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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